Thoughts
Comments 48

The pressures of a woman turning 30

In some culture, turning 30 is huge life event, even more so if you are a woman. It’s on this age when we are pressured the most for not conforming to the standards of the society – that is, getting married and having children. Because of this, I have a handful of close friends and relatives who went into ‘hiding’ to escape the judgmental eyes of the very people they consider family, friends, and colleagues.

In some Asian culture, people would often make a passive-aggressive joke about going beyond number of the days in the calendar, or say, one more year to go. Either way, I still consider it an insensitive joke imposed upon those stepping into their 30s.

Is it suppose to imply that your time has run out?

Is there like a ticking time bomb that blows up if you haven’t achieved your life goals by then?

groom and bride holding hands

If I have a penny for every female friend who is pressured and bullied into finding a man before turning 30… I’d be able to travel the world, twice!

Social media is not helping either. Every other post is either about an old high school friend who is pregnant, a family friend celebrating their wedding anniversary or a colleague who just had another baby. I am not being bitter but this definitely adds up a ton of pressure into the shoulders of those that are otherwise. We can’t control what goes up on social media but sometimes, an innocent post is like adding salt to the injury. It takes a real woman to be genuinely happy for their friends and family in this context.

Some of my friends eventually resort to dating sites to find a potential husband however, more often than not, it doesn’t end up happily ever after. Instead, I would end up having another friend with a broken heart. Those who are already in a relationship are in some ways rushed to get married so the guy doesn’t ‘run away’ or because ‘the time is right’. Those who are already married are pounded to have children ‘while still young’. Yes, our biological clock is ticking but that shouldn’t be the basis for having a family. We will have a family when we are ready, not because we cracked under pressure.

person holding baby's feet

I just wish the society would go easier on women. Regularly, I tell my husband it’s not easy to be a woman. Not only that we bear constant changes and pain in our body, we are also bounded by limitations and expected to blindly follow the unwritten rules of the society. If we do our way, we are judged, condemned and loathe.

My birthday wish is for the society to be kinder. Not only to women, but to everyone, of all ages. We all have our inner struggles and the external pressure brought by the society will only keep us out of balance.

red and white i m a little girl i m a little girl i m a m

Turning 30 should be a happy occasion, not a dreadful life event that we are scared to arrive. It is a milestone. It should be a celebration of life… for being alive, especially if you are healthy. With this year’s high fatality rate, the society should look more into nurturing stable-minded young adults instead of throwing them into a pressure cooker.

This entry was posted in: Thoughts

by

Hey there! I am a small town girl who used to work as a Software Engineer for a Fortune 500 company. I left my 9-5 job to travel the world. I am a certified Level 2 scuba diver, a Vinyasa yogi and a former IT professor. I love trekking the mountains, fishing and camping. I speak 5 languages. Cheers!

48 Comments

  1. maristravels says

    If you had the courage to give up a good job and go travelling, then you have the courage to stand up to foolish people who act as you describe, and to just tell them to ****** off. Nothing easier and you’ll feel better. If t’s any consolation, I look back on my thirties as the best time in my life. I knew enough, but not everything, and the whole world was still ahead of me.

    Like

    • Giving up my stable job was one of the boldest things I’ve done. I had no back up plan and everything could have easily fallen apart by then. But, it didn’t. It pushed me out of my comfort zone and it got me started thinking outside the box and out of the system. As I look back now, I have no regrets. I wouldn’t trade my travel experiences for 40/50 hours a week on my office chair. I look forward to where life takes me now that I am a bit wiser and seasoned. Thanks for the kind words!

      Like

  2. Your birthday wish is so sweet, and I hope it comes true. The pressure to marry young and have children right away is prevalent in many cultures. Been there, done that lol. I don’t regret it, but that marriage was not a good situation for me. I’m married to a wonderful man now, and it’s so different than that first one.

    Like

    • I guess everything happens for a reason. We all do things (sometimes purely) based on the pressure of the society and then we later found out it’s not the path for us. But perhaps, things are meant to happen like that.

      Like

    • Exactly, we all have different goals in life and when it’s ever so slightly different than the mainstream, the society reacts.

      Like

  3. blair villanueva says

    I am well aware of the Asian culture thing about women turning 30, but I didn’t care about it. When I was 15yo, I am excited to turn 30! And I find it one of the best things that happened to me.

    Like

  4. I am 60 years old this year and it doesn’t bother me one bit. Nothing stops me doing what I want to do, age-appropriate or not! Don’t let anyone take away your happiness at any age.

    Like

  5. Anne-Kathrin Walter says

    I can relate so much to this post! I turned 28 last week and I felt the pressure on my shoulders. There are so much expectations towards women of our age. A perfect career, a perfect body and skin, a perfectly clean home, home-cooked meals, being married… the list is endless! I talked about this with my fiancé recently and he felt that the pressure on women was higher compared to men the same age. Crazy, isn’t it?

    Like

  6. Monidipa says

    Even here in India once you turn 25 if you are not married you are judged. I am 27, careeristic and moreover an orphan. I get to hear many things, I hate those people whose eyes even judge me. But its my choice, and I will do what I want. I’ll suggest you the same. WHen you find the one for you you will get married, as off now live your life to the fullest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve been to India and learned the tough challenges women have to deal with. I completely understand your situation.

      And, oh, I am married since I was 26. This article is dedicated to my dear girl friends who are in similar situation as you.

      Namaste.

      Like

  7. It’s a pity when society think they can set standards for how to live your life and seriously expect you to follow them
    Great Post.

    Like

  8. Society will always have a certain view on things for certain topics, but the best thing we can do is to think for ourselves and do what we feel is best for us! Standing out of the norm takes guts and I applaud anyone who does so (as long as it’s beneficial for the individual and others around).
    Just do you!

    Like

  9. This is part of the toxic Pinoy culture which, sadly, is still prevalent in this modern age. It’s not just age that people make a big fuss about, there’s also weight, being childless, and so on. I hope people will just let other people be and not impose their idea of how life should be lived.

    Like

  10. eshhappycookingrecipes says

    Your words are very true. In some countries as you approach 30 you have loads of pressure and responsibilities land on you. We forget to live our lives and run behind responsibilities.

    Like

    • Although I cannot choose the culture I was born into, I can definitely change things that concerns me and how I live my life.

      Like

  11. thebratpackergals says

    I’m pushing 30 this year (turning 29 very soon), and am not looking forward to it!

    Like

    • Don’t be scared. I don’t feel different than when I was 1-5 years younger. I only notice I am wiser now. 🙂

      Like

  12. amayszingblogs says

    I feel you girl 3 years from now I getting 30 ad many people pressuring me about marriage but don’t let them drive in your life especially using social media is very toxic nowadays. Salute you girl to share your journey.

    Like

  13. Agnes Dela Cruz says

    When I turned 30 I thought that I am so old. After 15 years I still feel the same.

    Like

  14. Rhea Constantino says

    the idea that happiness does not exist without a significant other is simply false. I believe we are in charge of our own happiness. You are amazing and and this post is really empowering.

    Like

  15. Michele @ ourredonkulouslife says

    I was always scared of turning the big 3-0 because it seems once you hit that age you are to settle down, get married, have kids. Most people in my life, as well as society, makes it seem that once you hit 30 your life is “over”. Now that I am coming up on 35 I see that my life isn’t “over” it’s just beginning. Yes, I am engaged, yes I want to have kids, but that won’t stop me even at my age now. It took me 3 years to figure that out. Great post.

    Like

  16. Lily says

    I am with you society needs to be kinder to women. I am in my 30s too and we are still young and fun!

    Like

  17. I agree 💯! Age is just an arbitrary number and should not determine ones abilities or inabilities – only life experiences. I am 43 and absolutely loving life now – more than my 20s and 30s. It’s all about how you make it!
    a latte of blessings & sparkles,
    Jeanie{CoffeeGirl.Blog

    Like

  18. emidiv24 says

    This is a strong article, in some cultures, turning 30 is the beginning of life for a woman, it’s not all about getting pregnant at an early stage of life, it takes two to tangle and the worst mistake one can make in life, is to choose a wrong partner, God has the perfect time for every, the blessings of God are perfect and added no sorry, your husband or wife would find you at the right and appointment time.

    Like

  19. Elizabeth O says

    Asian culture believes that before you turned 30’s, you must be married and have your own child and family, There is no age when you want to get married. Don’t pressure your self, age is just age.

    Like

  20. I can totally relate!!! I’m a woman in my early 30’s and sometimes I dislike attending reunions mainly because I get asked by my aunts why I’m still not married or have no kids – they even compare me to my cousins (which is annoying). I’m doing well in my chosen career, travels and other commitments – I don’t let them pressure me into doing something that I’m not prepared or I don’t feel like doing. Very empowering post!

    Like

  21. I’m gonna be turning 30 in a couple of years and I’m already so conscious about it. I’m slightly concerned, lots of questions in my head and so much pressure. This is great to understand and have a little perspective. Thanks.

    Like

  22. I loved when I turned 30, it ment that finaly everybody will take me seriosly😁😁 I got married two weeks after turning 30, we had already 3 kids and said “hell we might as well get married” 😁😁

    My husband, he was then my boyfriend bought me a tshirt with a middle finger on it what a saying”When they ask when I will get married” for my 26th birthday. 😁😁 He shared my love for that question. I got pregnant a month after that and would wear the shirt while pregnant to confuse the hell out of people.

    Like

Share your thoughts. I would love to hear them!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.